TeenShift: Building positive relationships with teens

TeenShift Episode 14: 3 Types of Teen Engagement

What do you think of when you think of engaged teens? What do you associate with engagement? How do you know when students are engaged?

I think of student engagement in three categories:

1. Unengaged Adolescents

2. Passively Engaged Adolescents

3. Actively Engaged Adolescents

These categories exist on a spectrum. Our goal is to encourage students toward active engagement. In this episode I go through characteristics of each type of engagement and lead up to the important questions, “How can we cultivate Active Engagement among students?”

Enjoy the episode!

-Andrew

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Andrew :: Aug.27.2008 :: TeenShift Audio Podcasts, Educating teens :: No Comments »

TeenShift Episode 13: Lessons from Pacers and wagons-Be responsive to teen challenges

It can be difficult to know how to best respond to the challenges teens present us. Teens can challenge us by arguing, ignoring, or otherwise make our life difficult. How can we respond to strengthen, instead of weaken, our relationship? We tend to respond in one of two ways: as a Pacer or a wagon. Listen the episode to understand what I mean.

In short, the antidote for teens’ challenges is to:

1. STOP

2. FOCUS

3. JOIN

We have to match them step for step. Until we stop and focus we can’t see what step we need to match. When we do this we create a rhythm and tone that joins us to the teen in a way that can impact them and us.

I don’t mean to make this sound easy. It’s not. To stop and focus takes tremendous effort and selflessness. I means we have to make secondary our own agenda in favor of the teen’s. When we do this we are able to see and address the needs of the teen. It strengthens our relationships with them, a prerequisite for positive change.

Enjoy the episode!

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Andrew :: Aug.20.2008 :: TeenShift Audio Podcasts, Parenting teens, Educating teens :: No Comments »

Interview with evaluators

Need something to do at lunch? Here you go.

I recently spoke with some leading evaluation experts that I’ve been privileged to partner with to conduct program evaluation: Dr. John Usera and Pat Schulte, from The Institute for Educational Leadership and Evaluation, and Dr. Vinita ChannahSorah, an independent management and evaluation consultant.

We discuss some of the key aspects of the ARC Evaluation Team approach, a unique model that closes the gap between evaluation findings and program improvement. The goal of our conversation is not shameless self-promotion, but to explore how evaluation can be as helpful as possible to programs.

I hope this conversation will help enhance your own evaluation experience.

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Andrew :: May.12.2008 :: TeenShift Audio Podcasts :: No Comments »

Questions for life

"A lack of curiosity is the kiss of death." This something a friend of mind once said. It is a statement that haunts me. Perhaps it can haunt you as well.

So what questions do you have about the teens you know? Here’s an exercise you can do:

1. Make a list of the teens you know and care about. (If you are an educator you don’t need to list every student. Not that you needed my permission.)

2. Write down questions you have about these teens. What do you want to know about them? What about them fascinates you? What aspect of their behavior puzzles you?

3. Don’t ask teens any of these questions.

The point of the exercise is to get us to ask ourselves the questions. When we fill our curiosity well to the brim with questions everything changes. We will relate with teens in a completely different way because we will see them in a new, fresh light.

Curiosity gives us vision to see life and loved ones. A lack of curiosity leaves us in the dark (aka. death).

Andrew :: Apr.24.2008 :: Parenting teens, Educating teens :: 1 Comment »

Fresh, handpicked blogs

Good news! There appears to be growing interest in teens. I recently came across a few blogs that provide thoughtful material about adolescents and suggestions for adults that are looking for creative ways to make a difference.

First, Open Education recently posted a transcript of their interview with Vanessa Van Petten. Vanessa is interested in helping adults better connect with teens and offers some suggestions for how to do this. She has written a book for parents on the subject: You’re Grounded.

Don’t leave this site without looking at their post "Is there anything more challenging than teaching a group of teenagers?" Excellent question!

Second, check out Vanessa’s blog. I like that she offers straightforward reflections and suggestions. She doesn’t appear to have a particular agenda she is pushing. Her interest is as it should be: teens and how we can be involved in their lives.

Third, Zen Habits has a post on 5 Out-of-the-Box Ways to Connect with your Teen, Tween, and Young Kids. These five suggestions, if taken to heart, could make a significant impact on a parent-child relationship.

I hope you find these articles and sites helpful! I’ll pass on other links as I discover them.

Andrew :: Apr.07.2008 :: Parenting teens, Educating teens :: 1 Comment »

Discovery…the adolescent brain

Here is a nice, concise video on the adolescent brain. I hope you find it helpful. There is more information is coming out all the time about how significant adolescent brain development can be and the implications for this development for teen behavior. There are also natural implications in this research for how we can best relate with teens.

Enjoy!

Andrew :: Apr.03.2008 :: Parenting teens, Educating teens :: No Comments »

Teen Shift Episode 12: Join teens

Teens are always on the move. We hope to help them move in a positive direction. To do this we have to join them where they live and where they make decisions.

Listening helps us understand a teen and where they live. Joining teens is the act moving to a teen’s side and remaining there as much as he or she will let us.

If we are to join with teens in a meaningful sense we need to do the moving.

Notice how we respond to teens when we see them move in an unhealthy direction: we try to force them in a healthier direction. This creates resistance. Does this mean we condone poor choices? Absolutely not! But our nearness to teens shouldn’t be conditional on their choices. If it is we will never be a consistent presence in their lives and our relationship with them will suffer.

Here are some questions we can ask to join with teens:

Where are they going?
To what degree have they invited me to join them?
How can I join them?

In this episode you can listen to how I worked to join Sarah. It wasn’t easy but it made all the difference in the world. It may have even saved her life.

Let’s remember that engagement is the beginning not the end. Once we’re joined with teens we have a connection that will influence their lives. This connection requires ongoing attention and cultivation. Left alone it will wither.

Notice that most of the work takes place within ourselves and is not dependent on the teens we know. If you are at all like me you know that it takes work to preserve the undivided attention required by this process. It is easy to forget that this work is a gift to ourselves and the teens we care about.

Look for a new series of podcasts to begin next week. We’re going to look more closely at key issues related to influencing teens.

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Andrew :: Apr.02.2008 :: TeenShift Audio Podcasts :: No Comments »

Teen Shift Episode 11: Listen to teens

Do you know a person that listens well? What is your experience like when you talk with him or her? How can you replicate this experience in the teens you care about?

In this episode I talk about listening to Sarah. It was not an easy task.

Listening to anyone is difficult. Though it sounds easy, it takes effort and dedication to truly understand what someone else says. It’s difficult because we easily lose focus. We get carried away by our own thoughts, ideas, and opinions.

In the next conversation you have today pay attention to the thoughts that try to distract you. These are not passive thoughts. They will try to distract you. Write them down if you can. As they enter your mind, notice where they want to take you but don’t go with them. Come back to them after you are done with your conversation.

Listening to teens is more difficult than listening to adults. They are prone to change topics without warning, say things they don’t mean, and give confusing nonverbal cues. It takes hard work to listen and understand what they mean and not react to what they say.

This is work worth doing. When we listen to teens we connect with them. When we connect with teens we can influence them in a positive way.

Here are some questions that can help us improve our ability to listen to teens:

What is he saying?
How is she saying it?
What is the most caring response right now?

Ask yourself these questions the next time you are in a conversation with a teen.

All the best in your efforts. I hope you enjoy this episode.

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Andrew :: Mar.26.2008 :: TeenShift Audio Podcasts :: No Comments »

Teen Shift Episode 10: Observe teens

It’s been some time since I’ve posted. I’m excited to say that my wife and I had our third child a few weeks ago. I’ve taken some time off from work and am gradually beginning to get "back in the saddle."

In this episode I discuss the oft-overlooked art of observation. It’s more difficult than it looks.

Teens respond well to and often engage with adults when they know we notice them. They’re communicating all the time. When we listen we can connect. Teens often communicate non-verbally. Even their verbal communication needs deciphering. Whether teens communicate verbally or not we need to listen. This begins with observation.

The question we should ask first is, “What do I notice?” The answers to this question could be, he’s sleeping, he’s yelling, his arms are crossed, or in Sarah’s case, she’s wearing a sweatshirt with patches all over it.

Notice what happens when we truly observe: We begin to see others and not just ourselves.

When we see teens and observe them we are on the road to engagement.

Barriers to observing:

1. We often see what we want to see
2. We’re scared of what we may see should we actually observe teens
3. We’re not sure how to respond if we do actually see teens for who they are

Next week we’ll talk about what it’s like to listen. I’ll share with you how I worked to listen to Sarah and how doing so engaged her.

Remember, engagement is not the end. It’s the beginning. But it is an indispensable component of influence.

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Andrew :: Mar.10.2008 :: TeenShift Audio Podcasts :: No Comments »

Teen Shift Episode 9: The Rules of Engagement

What is engagement?

Think of engagement as a code on a safe. In order to get into a safe we have to “crack the code.” Teens have a code and we have to crack it in order to gain access. This is the goal of engagement.

Keep in mind that engagement is just the beginning. We often think that it is the goal. What we do after engagement will determine the degree of our influence.

Who are you?

Who you are is more important than what you do. Who you are as a person will determine how successfully you engage teens. Teens connect with adults that work to be present and authentic. This is your primary task.

Various fears can inhibit our ability to be present and authentic. Here’s an exercise you can do to take inventory of any fears that may be inhibiting you from being present and authentic with teens:

1. What fears do I experience in relation to teens? Make a list!
2. What does it look like for these fears to impede my relationship with teens?
3. How do I react when I experience these fears?
4. Where do these fears come from?
5. How can I work with these fears so that I’m not compromised in my ability to be present?

What can you do?

With this task at the forefront of your mind, here are a few specific things you can do. I will discuss each in detail during the next three episodes:

- Observe (Episode 10)- What do I notice?
- Listen (Episode 11)- What do I hear?
- Join (Episode 12)- Where are they going and how can I go along?

This work is not easy. It can be challenging, frustrating, and often times discouraging. Part of our work is to remember it’s also rewarding and meaningful and a gift to the teens we care about.

Remember that adolescence is the age of change and the greatest instrument for change is you.

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Andrew :: Feb.13.2008 :: TeenShift Audio Podcasts :: No Comments »